to be sorted later #29
in which I'm living or maybe I'm loving but either way I'm definitely laughing
“I felt an ardent desire to prove her wrong. I had no idea the opportunity would occur so soon, nor that I would be able to seize it. Anyhow it was quite likely that in a month’s time I would have entirely different opinions on any given subject. What more could have been expected of me?”
— Françoise Sagan, Bonjour Tristesse
“I’m here for it. I live to make fun of strange men and compliment other women,” I told Lindsay last week in between Lucinda Williams’ and Father John Misty’s sets at The Salt Shed.
We’d been talking some mild shit about the men in the crowd, and frankly, I didn’t feel bad about it.
I was wearing my “Abortion is healthcare” t-shirt, and I’d forgotten how that tends to stress men out, especially if I catch them reading it. It’s truly astounding how frequently men will openly stare at your breasts in public with zero sign of embarrassment or shame, but catch them looking at a baggy ass t-shirt that says “Abortion is healthcare” and they don’t know what to do with themselves. They’re averting eye contact! They’re nearly spilling their beer! They’re scowling! Women, on the other hand, tend to smile and nod when they read it. Go figure.
Related: I once wore my “My Body, My Choice” shirt on a flight, and as we were deboarding, an older woman looked at me, grinned and said, “Hell yeah, good for you!” Moments later, a man from our flight looked at me, scowled, and said, “Go fuck yourself!” I responded by smiling and saying, “Thanks!”
He didn’t like that.
It’s okay, fellas, we’ll all be alright. Well, we will once all of us have bodily autonomy.
Did I tell Lindsay I live to make fun of strange men, or I love to make fun of strange men? Who knows! Both things can be true!
When I’m not making men uncomfortable at concerts, what the hell am I even doing?
What I’m Sorting Through, Currently …
Still Thinking about “Sorry, Baby”
Last Friday after work, I took a long walk to the movies to go see “Sorry, Baby,” which I assumed would be my version of a summer blockbuster. I was not wrong. I laughed — loudly — many times. I also cried.
I love, love, loved the friendship at the heart of this story. Yes, you’re going to hear a lot about “the bad thing” that happens, but what’s most important to me was that friendship. May we all have friends like Liddy (Naomi Ackie).
I don’t think it’s a spoiler to tell you that “the bad thing” is a sexual assault.
Here’s the trailer, if this isn’t on your radar:
And here’s Eva Victor (who wrote, directed, and starred) in conversation with Leila Fadel for NPR’s Morning Edition:
Fadel: I mean, I think the beautiful thing about this film is that even though this sexual assault is at the center of the story, it is not the center of the story. I mean, you make a decision, actually, not to show it, and you connote it with time, right? With the image of the house where it happens and a passage of time. Why did you make that decision not to show that?
Victor: I think I made the film to not show that. In a way, it was something that was very important to me: to make sure that my audiences, however I could, keep my audience's body safe while watching the film. I tried to create a film that I feel like I needed, and I couldn't find a film that didn't freak me out to watch. And I do think that not going inside actually allows us to remain with Agnes and not be ahead of Agnes. I wanted us to emotionally stay with her, in the confusion, the doom, the bad sense, the fear, without going inside. I wanted us to not know what she went through until she decides to tell us. I also wanted the film to believe her words. Because we never get to be behind the door in real life. We hear about people's experiences, and it feels like we only really know about what happens behind closed doors in movies. And in real life, we hear people talk about what they went through, and I wanted the film to not question her words. I wanted the film to just believe her. And that's not even a question in the film of whether it happened or not.
Yes to this! One more time, please:
“I tried to create a film that I feel like I needed, and I couldn't find a film that didn't freak me out to watch. And I do think that not going inside actually allows us to remain with Agnes and not be ahead of Agnes… I wanted us to not know what she went through until she decides to tell us.”
I have never seen a movie depict a sexual assault in this way. It was exactly what I didn’t know that I needed. Without fully spoiling any further the way those scenes take place, I can say that I had full body chills as I watched. Thank you, Eva Victor.
They screwed up with the cat, I will say that. Sorry, baby, but you can’t show me a six-week-old tiger-striped kitten in one scene and then in the next I’m supposed to believe that same cat is now at least a year old and also now has white front paws!
(The cat is not the point, but it needed to be said.)
I walked home from the movies in good spirits, feeling seen. I think I may have even smiled at a strange man! Can you imagine?
On Repeat
Because Lucinda played both of these last week, much to our absolute delight:
In Pursuit of … Whatever
Only one more thing that has my attention, but for what it’s worth, I did read it 4x in a row:
“around me sit / too many ghosts to ever rest in isolation” | Danez Smith, “They/Them” for Poetry (July/August 2025)
“to be sorted later” is a series in which I attempt to have fun on the internet again, namely, by sharing the latest things I am watching, reading, listening to, hating, loving, discovering, and otherwise sorting through in any particular week or season. Enjoy! Or don’t!
previously:
Live to, love to (I may include both in a future poem) ☺️ what a great night that was! Long live Lucinda and bodily autonomy! ❤️✊